Yes

So it has come to my attention that my first blog entry was less than satisfactory and did not really adhere to the general theme of this shared group (don't kill me! I wasn't aware it had one and my interpretation of 'blogging' is more literally of a visual diary; to things which give me daily inspiration). Consequently, I am here to submit not so much a second entry as a sort of verbal extension of the last one.

However, just to warn you, I am prone to entering random nothingness from my head too. You must be direct and tell me to stop chatting bullshit when this happens.

Now, where do I start? The last eight months have been utterly life-changing. I didn't have high prospects for the year two-oh-one-oh, but boy is it surprising me in all kinds of ways. I have been through extreme highs and confusing lows (bit of a cliché-ic injection for you there), but in addition I have also become much freer and more mentally inspired in myriad ways. The year started off with an unconventional bang. I entered into a trans-continental relationship of which I had unrealistic and high hopes for. Somewhere along the line I'd lost my sense and sensibility, and blindly succumbed to over-indulgence. This is where the journey started. Being in this relationship showed me so much about life that is often left hidden, unsaid, unrealised, or abandoned. I experienced everything from an emotionally insecure and abusive partner to discovering more about my own emotional capacity and tolerance in relationships. I put up with a lot; I devoted myself to this person, made myself see things as he told it to me; listened to his stories and dreams. I even sent him physical objects- keepsakes and trinkets, to compensate for the lack of each other's tangible presence in our lives. However, when it came down to it, this person was demanding, insecure and petty. He read too much into things, had a warped perception of freedom, and was slow to empathise with the fact that every human being is different and each was most definitely to their own.

It was eventually time to leave him behind, and I knew it, clear as the Spring breeze brushing my face in March. It took just one moment for me to realise that I didn't need that kind of pressure from someone who was supposedly in love with me. In all fairness though, the distance probably added to the tension; in retrospect, I may have been hasty, but I certainly do not regret telling him that it was either a situation of him showing more respect for me or not having me at all (in which case he can hang up), and then hearing that dial tone. In fact, I was very relieved.

It wasn't until a while after that I realised my growing potential as a person and that my past fears and instabilities were disintegrating. It was the aftermath of this ordeal that made me. From March onwards, I saw everything that I'd been doing wrong. In effect, I'd previously surrendered myself and my morals, a case of losing my identity, disguised as lovesickness or loveblindedness. With support from friends, a one-time job which took me away to Oxford for a week, increasing concentration on my studies and my ever present trust in the future (sorry if this sounds like some sort of preaching opportunity... because it is) I started to realise how great I had it. Not saying I didn't feel the pinch of heartbreak, as even now that is something I realise I have to bear, but I just know that no matter how much it brings you down, there is always a way past a difficult situation.

The day that I handed in my dissertation and last assignment was very memorable for me. After many days of crying and sweating it out at Senate House Library with Florence, I felt elated at it all being over. We literally ran to our then second home, Russell Square, afterwards and pranced around with a pizza in hand. I will never forget that day. We were so psyched up that the day after that we managed to book a holiday to Corfu, Greece for following week. It was the ultimate reward for all of our hard work, and truthfully one of the best holidays I have ever been on. I would divulge more information but I wouldn't be able to do the time we spent away justice, but I will say this: the whole process- being away, achieving all that work, and finding solidarity in a relationship where I least expected- has given me so much strength to see what is good for me, and what I should do in order to maintain it. That is, hard work, and hard play!

Anyway, I feel that some sort of break is due, since I've typed a lot up until now. There are still loads that I wish to share with you all, but I am running out of free time tonight. But a quick plug before I dash off- if you're ever in Covent Garden, go to a restaurant called 'Food For Thought'. It is a cosy little vegetarian place which serves very generous portions of wholesome foods. Today we even sat in a little alcove, I felt like I was in Agrabah(!)

Below is a snap of my companion who introduced me to this place. As you can see, the food looks delightful!






Also, before I leave, I shall annotate the three images that I posted in the last semi-entry. The first one is by an artist called 'Queen Indra'. She is from Brixton and is capable of beautiful pencil illustrations. I chose that particular one, 'Solo', because I feel that the woman's stance captures the essence of pride-- but of a pride that is founded; one also wrought with humility and understanding. Of women, I feel that all has this great potential within them, and for that reason the image strikes such a chord with me.

The second, by Kubricki, is discordant and disjointed- just like the psyche of a woman, and more importantly, resemblant of how I felt near the beginning of this year.

And finally, the last is an aesthetically appealing image by Wakkawa (who paints quite erotic pictures), one with captures the fleeting moments within a female's life when she is evasive or elusive, when she wants to captivate yet escape the world at the same time.

That is all I'll say on that. I will be going now. I hope you enjoyed reading that- I certainly enjoyed writing it.